{To Excavate My Heart and Discover Its Real Story}
Archaeology. Archaeology is the study of human activity through the recovery and analysis of material culture. The archaeological record consists of artifacts, architecture, biofacts or eco-facts, sites, and cultural landscapes. (Wikipedia).
Researchers. Archaeologists. Diggers. The different roles of archaeology. Researchers study maps and stories to find sites to excavate for the archaeology. Archaeologists excavate, date and interpret objects found at historical sites. Diggers work in the excavation site unearthing artifacts for the field archaeologists.
Archaeological excavation. In archaeology, excavation is the exposure, processing and recording of archaeological remains. An excavation site or "dig" is the area being studied. The locations range from one to several areas at a time during a project and can be conducted over a few weeks to several years.
The excavation process involves the moving and removing of soil and rock from an area where construction is going to take place.
And I will add braces { }. Braces are used to group items or to show a relationship among lines, symbols, and formulas.
{to the gift of life on the other side of a dream that has died}
I looked at the picture of the cherry blossom road, an image that inspired the name of my music studio.
“The road was only meant for one” is written across the photo image.
I began the research into the history with the little bits and pieces of remembered stories and facts of what had happened so many years ago. I had a name and I had a location. I found an online article that matched. The pieces fit. It had not been my imagination. I had found a key to unlock one door to my past.
And then they showed up. The three arguments to my re-start.
{The Three T-Rexes}
The three arguments that live in my mind: T-Rex of Doubt, T-Rex of Blasphemy, and T-Rex of Morte. The idea of the three arguments are not mine. The credit goes to author Scott Erickson of Say Yes.
I have expanded upon the ideas with my own personal spin to fit my circumstance called life.
{The T-Rex of Doubt}
Argument #1: “Nothing's gonna change”
The Lie: So all the hard work I put into feeling passionate about life after my dream has died, and the work of excavating my heart will amount (again) to nil. The Truth: Change is an inevitable fact of life, whether we like it or not. We are in a constant change of flux. Nothing stays the same.
This argument lacks merit.
{The T-Rex of Blasphemy}
Argument #2: “You suck and are ugly”
The Lie: I feel worthless, and un-beautiful. The Truth: I may feel like its raining outside, it doesn't mean it is. Feelings are not fact. Mankind is made in the image of God. God does not create junk. God created the majestic mountains, and the creatures that glow in the deepest sea, and me.
This argument lacks merit.
{The T-Rex of Morte}
Argument #3: “Dying is better than living”
The Lie: Just give up on life. The chances are blown. There's nothing to hope for, nothing to live for, and no one cares. The Truth: As a survivor of suicide attempts and witness to the aftermath of suicide, I can speak to the state of giving up on oneself first-hand. Dying is never the right answer. Finding hope is the right answer.
In reality, the truth of God is known instinctively, for God has imbedded this knowledge inside every human heart. Romans 1:19-20 (The Passion Translation)
Humans have been created with a basic instinct to survive. Humans have been created with an awareness of their Creator. Each person has been given a purpose and a mission to fulfill in God's plan. It is a personal choice to accept or deny this.
This argument lacks merit.
{Inspired}
There are so many resources available for anyone to get un-stuck. Personally, at times I have stumbled into treasures and at other times I have had to diligently mine to find the gems that resonated with me and move me forward on my map of spiritual progress and personal growth.
Knowing Myself.
Knowing God.
Knowing Myself differently Because of God.
The content that has the greatest significance is the content of what is happening in my soul and in my spirit. It is the interaction between my mind and the thoughts I have guided by thoughts with God.
One of the battles I fight is against deception. There are so many voices in the world. There are so many popular voices in the world.
There is only One Almighty God, but there are many demi-gods.
{When Truth becomes uncomfortable. Part 1}
I purchased a book and looked forward to opening its cover and discover what wonders it would reveal about God. I was drawn to its title and the subtitle. So I read the author's short bio. The author seemed to have a fresh perspective and appeal, a story of struggle and hardship with faith, a journey from belief to unbelief, and back to belief.
I have omitted the author's name and the title of the book, because what I found on pages 1 through 4 caused me to take great umbrage. Umbrage is a word that has never been in my vocabulary before, but it is the only word that describes my reaction.
Umbrage versus indignation: umbrage is when something is actually offensive or unjust, arousing anger, whereas indignation would only be used when there is a perceived injustice.
I scribbled my thoughts all along the edges of pages 2 - 4, denouncing the author's lack of understanding of sacred scripture. The author calls it 'a magic book' and quote: 'the Bible has cast its spell and we are caught up in the story.' [Oh, good grief! I say to that.]
The author has certainly missed reading the part where God abhors sorcery. [Disney look out! You have made sorcery fun to watch and have filled homes worldwide generation to generation with your magic movies. I too enjoy all the 'magic' in the Disney stories, and wish it was harmless to watch, but I know better.]
The book, page one starts: “Once Upon a Time there lived a girl with a magic book.” And I now have to go back and circle the reference to the 'magic book' the girl read. She is referring to 'The Bible' as a book of magic. The Bible is NOT a magic book. The Bible is NOT full of incantations, spells, or hoodoo.
It is the inspired Word of God. One cannot in truth read the Bible (not just writings about the Bible) and remain an unbeliever, an agnostic, or an atheist. Read C.S. Lewis and J.R. Tolkien.
Here are some stats on the book entitled 'The Bible' worldwide. The Gideon's have been distributed 2 billion bibles worldwide since 1908. The Bible has sold over time 5 – 7 billion copies according to the Guinness Book of World Records of 2021. The site says that 6.4 Bibles are sold every 10 seconds. The Guinness Book of World Records highlights a 2021 study by the British and Foreign Bible Society that offered a similar figure. It suggests the total number of Bibles printed is most likely between 5 and 7 billion copies. (Dec 22, 2023).
I believe the only inspiration I have from this author's book is to become an apologetic and take up my shield and sword to defend the Faith.
Apologetics
in defense of the Faith. The Greek word 'apologia' means defense as a lawyer gives at trial. In every generation, people face the challenges, questions, and concerns of the gospel message of the Christian faith. (ccu.edu, 4/2020)
I will withhold making further comments until I have read the entire book. Hopefully I will find out what the author's complete story is about, whether faith was found and restored, and if that faith resembles the faith of The Bible rather than that of Christian mysticism.
Christ has no part with witchcraft or mysticism. Part 2 follows.
{When Truth becomes uncomfortable. Part 2}
Heresy. I read to the middle of the book and then turned to the epilogue. I experienced the uncomfortableness of being challenged in my beliefs. I am witness to the subtleness of another doctrine that is more popular and edgy in mainstream Christianity, making it the decision of the reader to interpret meaning within themselves and with their story rather than relying upon The Holy Spirit to teach them by keeping Christ alone as the central figure of the entire Bible story.
I wrote the word 'HERETIC' across the page of the book in bold capital letters where a reference to Christ as 'a diabolic violent warrior god' (oh, the significance of the use of the little 'g' was not lost upon me!). Heresy is an aberration from the truth. Can Truth be changeable from person to person? The author says so. Dear reader, that is for you to decide.
I withhold the author's name because the author is deceased. Otherwise, I would be anxious to have an open conversation and ask what exactly was the end goal with this author’s work.
{Deep calls to deep}
Meaning of. This in prayer means the deep within one that calls out to the deep within God. It also means [to me] that a spirit operating inside a person will look for the same like-mindedness and fellowship with the same spirit. 'Birds of a feather flock together' as the saying goes.
The reason the Christian is called to be an overcomer is the believer's body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. I am not a theologian, I am a simple believer. I desire the presence of the Holy Spirit guiding and directing my life, a personal relationship with Jesus Christ (not an organization), and living a life of purity that welcomes God to abide with me and me with Him. That's as simple as I can write.
So when testing the spirits, I look at who a person surrounds themselves with: the who and the what. Studying the major religions of the world several decades ago taught me to look at the roots (who is the main character), the tree (what did they teach), and the fruit (what happens to the follower from the teachings). This is a very simplistic view as a starting point.
The standard of measure is my understanding of God and the Word of God. There is a subtle difference between understanding versus interpretation. Understanding comes from the Divine whereas interpretation comes from man.
This is a far as I will go on exegesis. I simply had to get it off my chest.
{Testimony of a spiritual delinquent}
Where I stand. I speak from my experience. Following my birth into a religious cult that purports to still be Christian, and the exit from - I did not have an interest in faith or spirituality until I entered a life of sobriety. 'Many return to their faith' was written in the recovery book Alcoholics Anonymous. I was inspired to find a faith that works. So I began my own search.
I have travelled the doors in and out of many Christian and non-Christian denominations, seeking the right church, the right group of believers, the right preaching of the gospel message, to hear the right voice. From 'Aspire', a little Tao, Church of God, Church of Christ, Orthodox Catholic, Billy Graham Ministry, Methodist, Baptist, Mormonism, Vineyard, Four Square, Pentecostal, Seventh-Day Adventist and several non-denominational Christian community churches.
{Smarmy}
I have had the smarmy attitude toward the gospel, insincere and full of my own hidden agendas. At one time in my 'faith walk' it was suggested in the church I attended that I may be a prophetess. Why? A deaconess found out that I studied the bible at 2 a.m. and wrote pages and pages of 'enlightenment' in my journal. She read some of my writings and decided with the church counsel that I had a gift.
In truth I was going through a frightening divorce and looking toward an uncertain future as a single parent of a special needs child without an income. I had insomnia and I was searching for God for comfort and answers. I was open-minded and I was alone. I was immature and naïve to the ways some organizations operate.
It was Sunday. After the church service, a mother approached me with her tween daughter and asked if I had a moment. They sat and she proceeded to ask me if her daughter would be healed of cancer. I felt surprise and flattery. I took a moment to check what was going on inside of me. No intuition was forthcoming. She pointed to the spot on the daughter's knee and looking, I told her that she would be healed. No worries.
I can only imagine what God must have done right then. I hope He just rolled His eyes. I remember I felt a little peculiar and was glad the mother looked relieved. But I was still troubled when I left to go home. I felt I had transgressed a unseen boundary.
It was Tuesday morning in the Victorian house foyer. On the hall table sat several teddy bears lined up, website orders in different stages of completion prior to shipment. My bear business kept me very busy. Like usual, I started writing in my journal before beginning the day's work.
A voice boomed loudly, blanking my mind, and I stood stock-still.
It thundered, “BE NOT PRESUMPTUOUS!”
In a stern tone it continued, “I will appoint whom I will appoint! I will choose whom I will choose! I will anoint whom I will anoint!”
I learned of usurpation of the Holy Spirit on that day. I learned of feeling deep chagrin and a sense of chastisement, of having the deep disapproval of God Almighty.
Yes, I have been smarmy. I have been foolishly bold, treading where angels fear to tread at times. I have sought the approval of man. I have been a spiritual delinquent.
To be continued…
Love, love, love your writings! God has given you so MANY beautiful talents! I'm so new to this program? What is "restack"? Whatever it is I did it with this writing lol. I am so looking forward to seeing you again one day! Keep up the good work! Big hug.
Ginger, my what you have been through in your life. Your writing is deeply married to humility and a desire to know God. I can feel this within my own bones as well. I often don't think we are made for this world but I feel God placed me in it to shine a light.
We need our Oikos and we need to be fearless in our faith as we navigate and sit with the world. It does take a complete rebirth to do so.
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I am so grateful you are here to tell your stories. ox