{I Don't Want To Be Here.}
Once again, the urge to run overcame me and I planned my escape route. This has been my story for 39 years.
When life becomes conditional. Different scenery, same feelings. Discontent. Irritable. Restless. Reckless.
{No Matter What Happens}
1985
I am sober. My first year of sobriety – welcome the torture. Learning a new way of life, a life without conditions. It was called 'unconditional sobriety' because no matter what happens, I don't pick up a drink or a drug. I feel everything, every thing, everything!
Sobriety is the complete abstinence from all mind-altering substances, solid and liquid form.
At times I actually sat on on my hands. It was the only action I could do. I could not trust myself to be alone or my mind would convince me to go find 'it' to feel better. I slept on the floors and couches in the many homes of sober friends. The first year was excruciating and wonderful, powerful and humiliating, courageous and fearful.
{I'm Here & I'm Good}
2024
I look from the vantage point of 39 years of sobriety {April 18} and I see life events that shaped my journey, those special times which lifted me onto wings like eagle's wings – doing something really beautiful.
2005
“GOOD MORNING JESUS!!!!” voices in unison and stamping of feet rang throughout the church sanctuary. I wondered what in the world was going on in the children’s ministry worship service and hurried from the office to the hallway to see for myself.
I looked through the glass doors and saw 100+ children standing atop their folding chairs stamping their feet, raising their hands to heaven and shouting at the top of their lungs in glorious happiness, “GOOD MORNING JESUS!!!!”
I heard the children's service worship leaders, husband and wife team - Brian and Carol, jumping (as only 6 foot+ Brian can) and shouting like a blonde Dutch diva Texas cheerleader (as only Carol can) leading the boisterous amazingly wonderful affair.
Brian shouted, “Let's raise the roof off for Our KING!”
My eyes filled with tears of happiness and wonder and joy. I had never witnessed such an incredible display of absolutely over-the-top worship in a church. This rated right next to the African's Children Choir.
I had an idea. I quickly found the recording sound tech and asked if he could record this event the following next Sunday. This was too good to not be shared.
From that witness, I was part of an incredible team that created an advertising video shown in local theaters of the church children's ministry ‘GOOD MORNING JESUS!’. It was a beautiful moment we shared freely and let it fly to land where it may.
Good times never last forever, but it was great time while it lasted.
In Praise Of Our Lord Jesus Christ. Let’s raise the roof tops for Our King!
THE CHRISTAN MUSIC SUMMIT 2005
The evening event was attended by all the participants in the 2005 Summit. The hall was filled, the lower floor, mezzanine, and upper balconies.
I had been invited to go, the $79 expense cost was gifted. I would attend the 2005 Worldwide Christian Music Summit accompanying my friends Carol and Brian of the children’s worship ministry.
Seven of us from the church music and worship team headed up to Redmond, Washington packed into the church van. One companion, a geologist/sound tech pointed out the rock and strata formations as we traveled through Oregon. The video tech guy slept most of the way. Mostly uneventful.
I was in the workshops with upcoming music artists Matt Redmon and Chris Tomlin. We watched the first viewing of THE PASSION CONFERENCE with Louis Giglio and witnessed live concerts, participated in breakout groups, music and vocal workshops, leadership sessions, and the final event, singing Amazing Grace as one.
Tear-stained faces prevailed. It was one of the most beautiful human events I have ever participated in and witnessed.
AMAZING GRACE. The final event was a gathering of all participants to sing the song Amazing Grace in one's native tongue. Over 39 countries were represented that night. One by one, running down the aisles onto the stage where the summit musician group played background to the vocalists. The most memorable to me being sung in the Cherokee Nation tongue, in Japanese, in Afrikaans, an in operettic Italian. Tear-stained faces prevailed. It was one of the most beautiful human events I have ever participated in and witnessed.
Remember Our Lord and King Jesus Christ and the beauty of Amazing Grace.
{Doing Something Really Beautiful}
I am the bravest person I know. - ginger the brave
{I AM HERE NOW.}
The end of my forty years in the wilderness is coming near. I am standing in the sunlight at last on both feet. I am not running from my life, not seeking to escape to 'something else'. I like it here in the sunlight of the spirit.
I am HERE with no complaints whatsoever.
My wish for you is to go and Do Something Really Beautiful.