Love Traveler
Who Am I: Who I Am. Aºtlas of My Heart
Paris, France
I have wandered along the Seine and Les Champs-Elysees for hours. Artists line the boardwalk with easels and paint brushes, clad in caps and trousers and cotton canvas vans. To be French is to be an artist. To be in love, is to be in Paris.
Paris is always a good idea. ~ Audrey Hepburn
Bonjour Richard,
You know that pact we made in High School? The one where we meet at the Eiffel Tower when we reach mid-life and (perhaps) single? I have thought of us lately. You were my best dancing partner and date-friend. I wonder what has happened to you. Disappointed that I am not in Paris this year.
Meilleurs vœux,
G.
places we go when things don't go as planned #3
boredom
disappointment
expectations
regret
discouragement
resignation
frustration
disappointment
WHICH WAY IS [UP]?
Life still happens even after we have given it our all and it didn't work out the way we planned. Call it unfair, call it just, or just call it.
Disappointment is unmet expectations. The more significant the expectations, the more significant the disappointment - Brené Brown
Let me speak on disappointment. When I experience disappointment, it is like getting bit by the root of bitterness. Think of shark's teeth. I harbor hostility. I plan people's demise. It is not good.
Dealing with disappointment is putting to death what I wish to have.
expectations
The question becomes if it is fair to expect at all. Plans are made, agreements are made, schedules are set. And still after travelling 800 miles to see my dad, I was left with 'Absent due to recovering from illness.'
When we develop expectations, we paint a picture in our head of how things are going to be and how they're going to look - Brené Brown
I wish to put no bad reflection on my dad. I want to reflect all the light on my expectations and shine the light on my disappointment. I am glad I took the time to inventory my motives {no, not sharing my private findings} but, because I did the inner work - I believe it formed the outcome that happened three weeks following my trip.
I must look at my childish expectations and set people free from my bindings.
G.S.
Painting done. Stand back. Put the brushes down. Reality check necessary. I need to walk through my expectations fully, so that the outcome- whatever it might look like - will remain in God's loving hands. I learned early in sobriety a Truth that stands time: God's will is the best for all involved.
My need to have a dad, to be validated, and to be loved is not wrong. Whether I receive it is a gift.
regret
discouragement
resignation
frustration
The gift of Setting Others Free
Look at the list of emotions above. Each is an emotional pitfall that traps, takes hostage, and requires much time and effort to extricate oneself from it. Some never find their escape. I found a way to stop the insanity: deal immediately with my expectation and disappointment.
Which way is [UP]? Let me paint a picture for you of what happened:
THE CANVAS
There are many more things I could have done different leading up to the trip. The conversation with my sister was more of my notice of appearance than a humble request to visit. The conversation with my dad followed the same conversation lines.
THE UNDERPAINTING
I was insensitive to what his specific needs might be, because I was more interested in my own being met. I have learned from this disappointment to take the time and expend the effort to be more transparent and less presumptuous.
THE BRUSH STROKES
When I make sure I am standing on my side of the street without false/hidden expectations, then I give the gift of setting others free to make their choices - whatever that might look like. I withhold judgment. I withhold condemnation. This is the erasure of regret, discouragement, resignation, and frustration. These negative emotions have no place to adhere themselves in my heart.
THE PAINTING
Exciting! Brush down. Painting Done. When I drop my expectations of others and circumstances, I discover I am free as well. The result: a flooding of joy and gratitude and peace. My world has suddenly become brighter and more colorful. The life painting turns vivid with great clarity and perspective. It is as if I am walking hand-in-hand with my Creator. What could be as marvelous as this!
The gifts of disappointment. Who would've thought?
God bless those who are sober and may God bless those who are destined to become sober.
G.S.
Thank you for this thoughtful and articulate breakdown of expectations and disappointment. It is quite helpful to see it written out and understand that I need to take some of these steps. Thanks so much ❤️
The antidote for "expectations" is "communication." Let me explain: For almost forty years I lived in the world of expectations - building large, beautiful homes for wealthy people is a minefield of expectations, theirs of me, and me of my subcontractors. Transparency and COMMUNICATIONS mitigate ill-placed expectations. Every Monday morning each client would get a report telling them what happened the week before; what'll happen the next two weeks; information I need from someone on the project team (client, architect, interior designer, etc.); and what changes were made to the project scope the week before. RARELY were there misunderstandings - even more rarely, were there arguments!