Wild & Free | grounded

A Paradox from Aºtlas of My Heart

The Arena sheet music cover, copyright Lindsey Stirling

There is much to be said about Paradoxes.

A paradox is where two opposing words or views can both be true. I love the paradox of Wild & Free | Grounded - it would seem that they are directly opposite.

Wild & Free seems to describe a state of being that could almost be considered lawless and rebellious. Whereas Grounded seems to describe a state of being almost motionless and inactive, tied to the earth, immovable, and certainly not of freedom.

But I am writing about the Wild & Free as a state of heart, meaning untethered to social pressures, undiluted creativity of spirit, and imagination that has no boundaries.

And I am writing about the state of being Grounded as knowing the Maker, with humbleness in action. Knowing one's place in relationship to one's God, The Almighty. Grounded becomes the anchor for Wild & Free. Stretching the limits maintaining purity, grace, beauty, innocence, and morals. Being full of wonder. Keeping positivity and doing righteous. Becoming God-dependent is true independence.

And this duality of being Wild & Free | Grounded is the best space for a creative soul and spirit. It's a joyful mix for a superb outcome. It's choosing to be blessed. And this combination is a force to be reckoned with.

my journal Daring Greatly - vision page sampling

Vision Board

A combination of inspirational words and images that represent one's journey to a specific destination {What The Vision Looks Like}

I did a vision board sampling in 2018, shown above. My first real vision boards were created in 2019 using canvas and multi media art. One was created for a music endeavor and the other for overcoming my greatest fears.

There is something amazing and powerful in acknowledging a vision then taking the required steps to achieve it. My goals were set to overcome my two biggest fears: fear of horses and fear of water. I became a Dressage rider in training and embrace my passion for horses wholeheartedly. As for the water, I learned basic swimming and the use of flotation devices at Boise State University. Enough said.

my journal Daring Greatly -my vision of riding horses and working At Liberty became a reality inspired by Deborah Bruchle & Diabolo of Luxembourg

Let’s talk Recovery & Malinda Tribe

The first priority even before any creativity is self-love and self-acceptance.

Pinterest

This is a Malinda Tribe moment. A saying this Tribe now adopts from Lindsey Stirling. Self-acceptance is the state of being grounded. Knowing truth from a lie.

Aging is a privilege.

- Lindsey Stirling

My favorite passage of what it means to dare greatly is now part of the Malinda Tribe.

Dare To Come Alive

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come Alive,

and go Do It. Because what the world needs most

is more people who dare to come alive.”

~ Howard Thurman, a great African American theologian

Places we go when our heart is open

#10 in Aºtlas of the Heart by Brené Brown

LOVE
LOVELESSNESS
HEARTBREAK
TRUST
SELF-TRUST
BETRAYAL
DEFENSIVENESS
FLOODING
HURT

LOVE

Being vulnerable is probably one of the hardest choices in human life. But in this very scary, naked place is where love is cultivated. Love is a connection. A connection that starts with ourselves and pours outward. We have all heard - We can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

I think I will disagree. God says He first loved me before I was even lovable. I have never come from a place of self-love first.

Sometime in early 1985

I could not stay by myself and stay sober. I knew this.

Many people in recovery 'babysat' me as I would sleep on their couches and floors. I held a job, I had a 4x4 black truck with a lift kit, but I could not be alone with myself and trust myself to stay sober. Something had broken inside me. It was not a matter of willpower, but some kind of self-destruction that would take charge. Was it the obsession, the compulsion, the physical allergy, or the spiritual bankruptcy? Or all 4? Whatever it was, I was powerless over it and I knew it. I had reached my bottom and I was terrified of me.

I found self-love by being loved by those who were capable of loving me. I was not a threat to their sobriety, because their sobriety was based on carrying the message to me, the person still suffering.

Because those people found me worthy of helping I began to love me, to believe in my worth. It was a strange dichotomy. Let me explain. I can still remember my first sponsor saying with a smile, "I don't give a sh*t about you, but my sponsoring you keeps ME sober!" This from a Cheryl Ladd Charlie's Angels look-alike with a spitfire temper.

Apparently, at the time, I only heard she cared about me enough to sponsor me. The funny backstory was her sponsor appointed her to be my sponsor in order to keep her sober, and she was pissed.

That lady, her sponsor, was 18 years sober and drove a white milk van with a wooden board nailed on top of the front roof that said, "The King IS Coming."

Honestly, my early sobriety was a continuous adventure ride. They didn't call the meeting in Carlsbad, California Saturday Night Live for no reason! Southern California was the place to get sober. We were the first to clap for sharing and clap for birthdays and give actual cakes with candles. We believed in celebrating sobriety.

I had acrylic nails and ended up lighting my thumbnail on fire as a third candle on my two year cake. Never a dull moment!

In meetings across the nation it is said, "You're just not doing it like they do in Southern California!"

Do you have a wild-eyed love for yourself? Do I?

Do you view aging as a privilege? Do I?

These are questions I have never thought to ask until now.

There are no explanations for the falling into place of circumstances and events this past week other than it is God's handiwork.

I sit dumb-founded. This is what it means to 'Let Go, Let God.'

The skunk test

Just as I was riding the wave of a life crescendo - connections of dots and meanings popping before me visually, undeniable, attainable, the arrival of answers that I have sought for so long - the intrusive offensive odor erased all joy.

Our home filled with the odiferous horror of spooked skunk spray. All creativity and excitement derailed as I dealt with the overwhelming pervasiveness of the skunk odor this week.

My thoughts were riding a rollercoaster of frustration and the WHY ME's marched into view.

{By the way, my meditation this week is about 'Waiting' and 'The Wait in Waiting'. The waiting of trusting in God's timing}.

Every window thrown wide open, window fans blowing fresh air from outside to inside, peppermint spray on walls and carpets, launder of clothing, evacuation to the front of the home, spot sniffing closets, praying for a miracle.

The smell has dissipated. I have learned much in adapting amidst the scent of skunks.

And I reclaim Wild & Free | Grounded.

This is what long term sobriety looks like for me.

Confession

Lord, I believe the truth I've heard today. HERE I am.

I want to see what you had in mind for me the day you set my feet on this earth and gave me life. I confess all the times my faith failed - for missing the opportunities you had for me.

So, I ask for Your forgiveness for all those missed opportunities and I ask for another opportunity to begin anew. Thank you.

Me

God bless those who are sober and may God bless those who are destined to become sober.

G.S.