Mirror, Mirror
Aºtlas of My Heart {Self Image}
The reflection in the mirror is that of a person, who seems to be me. This could be the Rip Van Winkle syndrome or a Missing 411 case.
I've been away from myself so long this must be a Meet & Greet.
Places we go when things aren't what they seem
Chapter #5 in Aºtlas of the Heart, by Brené Brown
Amusement
Bittersweetness
Nostalgia
Cognitive Dissonance
Paradox
Irony
Sarcasm
It's a time to ask questions. The deep questions. Just what is the truth about me / you?
I have a habit of going dark; 'Tapping out' as Brown puts it. No tension here, I am calm as a cucumber (whatever that is supposed to mean). By oversimplifying my thoughts and feelings, I detour myself from the ways that lead to solutions. For this reason, I have learned to not settle on the first thought that appears when I am doing heart-work, personal inventory, and soul-searching.
The 87 human emotions. I don't pretend to be an authority on the topic. I am learning and reading and taking notes myself. I want to unmask all the places I go to hide.
Here Chapter 5 human emotion definitions per Brown:
Amusement. A brief spike in a person's level of cheerfulness (for just a few seconds). There is an element of playfulness and an unexpected incongruity that ignites our sense of humor.
Bittersweet. A mixed feeling of happiness and sadness. Most often cause: something changes.
Nostalgia. Combines the elements of happiness and sadness with sense of yearning and loss.
Cognitive Dissonance. Putting a spit shine on everything we ever did or remember. It's about conflicting information. {Enough said}
Paradox. Conflicting information where both sides (elements) can be true. Apparent contradiction.
Creativity and Discipline
Humility and Audacity
Freedom and Responsibility
{Beautiful and Plain}
Irony and Sarcasm. There can be the element of criticism and humor. Irony is pretty straight forward as something that is opposite of an intended message, whereas Sarcasm is meant to ridicule, tease, or criticize.
The shadow work of mine a few weeks ago opened the door to shine light on a truly dark place: my self-image.
I want to share a very telling video >
This is Malinda
Malinda singing 'The Wellerman'
Joining Malinda Tribe
As a performer who struggled with eating disorders, freedom from how I think others view me is the goal. It is possible my own negative self-talk is adapted from what Society says is a '10'. It is possible that opening the door to performance has dredged up old memories and habits and thoughts.
So I decided I am going goblin today. My hair has gone off the Res. My body seems to have declared open mutiny on any tone or shapeliness. It's time to take a stand. I am 62 , not 22. I am in revolt!
Dear Society,
I can do goblin or do dazzling. I am no longer striving to be what you say is beautiful, because I am already beautifully Made By God.
HUH!
I declare my rebellion against what society calls ‘Pretty’ and I am forming my own revolution of one (join me if you like) - # Joining Malinda Tribe.
Hey Mirror, Mirror,
Look at me
NOT looking at you
This means I can stop looking in the mirror every time I pass by. I can show up anywhere without caring how I look. This means I do not have to wear make-up unless I want to. This means I am choosing the freedom to be me with fresh face, washed-out face, showing my real face. I can wear what I want and be comfortable. I can create my own style. I am free to be me however I am. The goal is freedom to explore the beauty without being self-consciousness, no borrowed shame, no coulda shoulda woulda, no critique, no judgment, no comparison - PURE FREEDOM.
Negative self-talk gets its Burn Notice {once again}. I am no longer listening to any detrimental self-talk about my face, my chin, my neck, my shoulders, my torso, my hips, my thighs, my knees, my ankles, my toes, or my personality. {Good grief!} My shadow work journal told not one good comment on any of my body parts. I quit before the next section asking what I think about my personality. I can guess how that would have gone.
Negative self-talk / kryptonite: UNMASKED.
Reality Check. If I could change myself for the better, I would. But changing my self is not one of my superpowers. I have found that when my willpower aligns with God's will for me, that is the correct use of my will. And that is where I am empowered.
But my work always starts with Willingness.
A WALK INTO STEP SEVEN:
Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Negative self-talk, self-criticism, fear of what others think of me, basking in idealism, comparing my insides to others outsides - these shortcomings are fueled by an over-inflated ego or fear.
The aspect of recovery from eating disorders offers a different focus. This person has 25 miles to travel just to get to the starting gate where everyone else shows up. A focus on ego-busting does not work here. Practicing self-acceptance works better.
My Toolbox. Practice gratitude. Think on good things. Remember past victories. Say aloud the truth of my life, to God - share my shortcomings, my fears, and turn over any self-importance.
My simple prayer for eating disorder recovery goes like this:
"God, please give me the right body size and image. Thank you."
The Promises. I walk freely toward a better Now. I let go of old behaviors and thoughts that are clearly not from God. I put the nix on listening to negative self-talk. I may need to curtail looking in the mirror for 5 days too. It could serve to practice living from the inside for a while, free of concern for what the outside looks like.
Acceptance & Action.
A Creative's Recovery Program. For the other side of me. While connecting the dots of life via creative journaling, mapping destinations, and daring boards - I get bogged down by I don't wanna thoughts and feelings, then act out like a total juvenile delinquent when facing follow-through. Dreaming Big is no problem, it's the follow-up that can seem like a yawning maw. It happened enough for me to take proactive steps.
During the struggle to overcome my creative's habit of consistently inconsistent - the inspiration came to create a weekly flow - like a river touching my passions, my responsibilities, my recovery, and ending up as a course to follow.
Here is my Creative Flow Day 1 - 7:
FINDING AUDACITY
RISE+SHINE
KEEP CALM + GO
#MY PERFECT DAY
TO THINE OWNSELF BE TRUE
PIEZO!
I LOOK UP UNTO THE MOUNTAINS
FROM WHENCE COMETH MY HELP
I am grateful for Malinda sharing her struggles with the Mirror, Mirror. When someone chooses courage, it makes it easier for me to be brave too. I believe I can be Beautiful and Plain -faced, a paradox.
The journey of recovery is where the pay-offs are extraordinary: because it is the road less traveled and the only road that has been untraveled by the person walking. A new life has been gifted. Each day a new beginning. Granted by God. So walk confidently.
Mirror, Mirror, Look at me not looking at you
The following are a set of morning prayer cards that I use. I think they are beautiful.
God bless those who are sober and may God bless those who are destined to become sober.
G.S.
Thank you both. I feel very unmasked because I struggle with this thing of self-acceptance. I write to grow. I read more. I learn from you all. Thank you 📌
This is an INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT piece that everyone should share with their friends! To me, the key line is, "I am no longer striving to be what you say is beautiful, because I am already beautifully Made By God." We serve an audience of One - that's all, and only His opinion is the one that counts! So, regardless of what the world says we look like, it doesn't matter - it's what's inside that counts.